Sentimental or In the Way?

Collecting vs. Discarding

I've always collected stuff. Cool stuff. Like crystals, old furniture, little blue glass bottles, really old books. I've struggled to keep organized, and to find ways to store things.

Marie Kondo writes, "storage experts are hoarders." Actually it's the title of a sub-chapter in her book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: the Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.

On first glance, the book seems unassuming. It's small, clean, and sorta pretty. It's totally changing my life. I'm not sure I've ever said that about a book, and I really, really love books.

I've been amazed at how much we've discarded. We began on December 31st and it's now the 14th of January. We are almost finished. The konmari method involves going through each category of stuff throughout the house until literally every belonging has been processed. While holding each item, we looked for a sense of joy. If it wasn't there, the belonging needed a new life and we freed it... and ourselves.

Within the first twelve days, we easily and effortlessly donated 9 trunk loads (in a sedan, not compact...) of clothes (7- 30 gallon bags), toys (1-30 gallon bag), two tents, a sleeping bag, craft materials & housewares, books (well over a hundred), our bike rack (never used it), furniture (it was in the way), my easel (out of use anyway since LBD arrival) and we discovered that we didn't miss anything. We've thrown lots away, too, but diverted anything we thought reasonable from landfills for reuse. For example, we found that we had a surprising number (especially me) of bath & beauty products that were unused, unwanted, and just old. Ew, these were trash. A lot of them expired awhile back and we just didn't think to trash them before this. It was so easy when we're going through EVERYTHING to find what was old and ready to go.

Wow. The really crazy part of all of this for me is the shift I feel about possession and the magic of objects. I'm not sure when it started, but since an early age I've loved collecting things. I heard a story about walking around my grandfather's neighborhood when I was maybe three or so and stopping every few steps to pick up a rock, an acorn or a piece of glass. By age seven I had a collection of dead butterflies, turtle shells, cicada skins, and various toys, books, and dolls. (the latter seems normal enough, but now I see that saving dead creatures is really unnecessary to my enjoyment of them)

Profound Results

The hubby prompted this post, saying that it's been a monumental change for me to go from seeing objects as magical and holding onto them to seeing them as deserving a different life. These days I don't really collect things- with the exception of crafting supplies, minerals and books. However, I still had the things (or most of them) that I've collected during my years of adventuring. I had a hat from graduation, my girl scout vest with the patches & pins, my little sewing kit from childhood, my husband's grandmother's sewing kit from her recent move & subsequent discarding phase, trinkets, toys, and so much more. These are described as komono, or "little things" in Marie's book, with the exception of those that are sentimental. Some of these I've kept so far through the discarding, but many will be gone after I sort through my sentimental category. It's last since it's more difficult for most people than clothes, dishes, etc.

I've found that although I've always thought each item was individually magical, many of them simply don't resonate with me anymore. It was the way I felt about them that was so magical, and the way I feel changes. Kondo writes that when we keep something put away in a box and don't use it, the object is [read: feels] neglected. I really appreciate this now that we've done so much discarding far more than I would have 15 days ago. It's profound to let things go and realize they really didn't mean much at all, and that the memories are still there. 

Our home is more spacious and organization is simpler. Our baby is putting his toys away (and anything he likes that we leave in reach, such as keys, wallet, tupperwares, cat toys) into his toybox, and we're finding that increasingly, we have a place for everything. Really, that's the goal. When everything we have has a designated place to be, we will know we have finished. Well, and when everything we have is something we really, really want. 

My life is getting better. Who'd have thought it was about letting things go? Lovely.

Learning to Let Go

We got some books for Christmas, like "Which Pet Should I Get," by Dr. Seuss and "the Blue Zone." There was an unexpected surprise for us. It's a book we'd never heard of, by Marie Kondo called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. It's a small volume, pretty and well-worded. Marie Kondo does a great job of making discarding and tidying sound fun and portrays our belongings as having lives, too. As a matter of respect for our things, we should keep as few as necessary and those that bring us great joy.

For a long while, it's been apparent we had too much stuff. We moved in together from spaces larger than the ones we'd share, and especially since my father moved from his house to an Airstream on the road, I have had lots of sentimental .. well, baggage. Having lots of stuff is great when it's useful and easy to find when needed, but we were overburdened with our own awesome stuff, and it was taking a toll on our relationship. It's stressful to feel there's not enough space to play, not space to put down bags when we walk in the door, or to put a new book when we bring one home.

This new book has changed us. We are different just since perusing the pages... One cursory glance told us something about our lives would change, even if we did nothing. Hubby dear and I dove in. Last day of the year, first day of the next, we are doing it.

If you're curious, check it out. Below is a link to amazon.com (FYI I do not  make any money if you click this link, hmm, maybe I will learn how, but I don't currently.)

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing

Ten Month Update- and oh, how things have changed.

Well we are here at ten months. Somehow. 

Our LBD is cool as ever, and so much different than he was at eight, five, and two months...

Let's discuss some behavioral changes:

• LBD still LOVES "please chase me," and "I'm chasing you," but now wants to engage the Kitty in his games. He cries out "KEEEE" and crawls (or climbs) quickly after her. She is totally not willing to play.

• Our little fella is soooo close to walking. We're in no hurry. It's super fun to see him occasionally stand upright without holding something before he realizes he's doing it and plops onto his bottom. Then he looks at us excitedly, to see if we noticed.

• He just started eating more often (was just a few times a week, a few bites, here and there). He has picked up how to use his spoon incredibly quickly, just in about two weeks of a meal every couple days. He woke from his nap today and did the "more" hand sign, then dug a spoon into the blanket to show me he wanted food. Then he looked at the spoon as he brought it to his mouth, and put it in. Wow. We only gave him tastes of food til around Thanksgiving time and he's caught up very quickly in his eating skill set. Note: we're only feeding him fresh and cooked fruits and veggies. No meats, no grains, no corn, no dairy, no sugar, no beans nor soy.

• Our fella has totally caught on to our desire to please him and will cry and look at us disapprovingly if we don't do what he wants. Usually this would be when we keep him out of the cat food or litter, or when I take my keys from him.

• Also, LBD understands that milk is like food for him. He offered me his spoon at my nipple to see if he could get some milk. I filled the spoon for him with a few mommy milk squeezes and he totally ate it from the spoon. Kinda cool, probably not gonna happen again.

• He's lots less verbal as far as clear, easy to understand words (like milk) and talks so much more in baby babble. It's beautiful, though I miss thinking I knew what he was saying. It seems like as he began to crawl and climb and practice cruising (walking holding things) the verbal skills changed over to practicing vowels and consonants.

• He's wearing a size 18-24 "mos" now, or Euro size 80 and bigger.

• There are 8 teeth in our baby dude's mouth! Aaaaagh! And he bites, but as of today, he's consciously practicing gentle bites. We say, "be gentle, please," and "soft touch, LBD.

•  Co-sleeping is going great, if that's what we want. Though we're very happy with our son's level of comfort, the bigger he gets and the more space he takes, the more we look forward to him discovering his nearby big-baby-boy crib/bed. It's on the other side of the room now and he mostly uses it as a jungle gym in the day time... Not a problem, though, as we know that someday he'll be out of our bed for good, and that these counted days are precious.

• I'm still baby wearing him lots, especially before bed, at naptimes, and around large groups of people. He's so comfy this way, and doesn't pout very much, except when he's really, really tired.

•  LBD still is very happy to use his potty, but doesn't initiate it nearly as often as from 2-6 months.

That's all for now!

8 Month Update

8 months have absolutely flown by since our LBD (little baby dude) arrived in February.


He's just started sitting after about a month of crawling, which gives us about 30 second-breathers in between his favorite game, "Please chase me," and his favorite activity, "Can I climb this?"

This is a really fun time at our house, and as "new" parents, we're learning tons. I suppose each baby is so different that even a second child in our household would bring us tons of learning, but there are things we just didn't anticipate.

For example, though we provide LBD some really neat learning toys, he prefers what I've started to call "adult tech." Usually these are things we don't want to share with him yet, such as coffee mugs, glasses, kitchen machines, car keys, writing tools, and even toilet paper rolls.

So, we do our best to keep offering him toys and have found a couple ways to keep them interesting.I read about how "magic" makes babies prefer certain toys. The example I read was from a study at Emory in which babies were more interested in toys which seemed to break a rule they understood. The toy would pass behind a wall then reappear, whereas the other toys did not reappear.

Challenges and Joys of Crawling & Cruising

We're amazed that our little baby dude (LBD) has already started standing and cruising around. From what I hear, cruising is when a little dude/ette starts to mobilize from standing to moving along edges of things they can hold onto.

Perhaps this isn't odd, but it seems really funny that LBD hasn't yet learned sitting- at least not on his own, and doesn't stay up if we put him in a sitting position.

I've read that our little folks will each be very different during this first year or so of development, and it's so fun to watch!

It's totally the coolest to see LBD put on his determined face (lips tightly pressed together against his new two teeth, in a straight line) and pull himself to standing using fabric on our sofa, chairs and bed. He looks so pleased when he sees our smiles back at him.

One of the hardest things to watch is our son tumbling down when he's in an impossible position or when LBD just can't hold himself up any longer. Sometimes he sticks his bottom out so far that he's standing at a 90 degree angle. We now feel that he needs constant supervision- no more leaving him a couple minutes on the bed thinking he wouldn't be able to roll or scoot too far... nor leaving him on a blanket "knowing" he'll be there when we return. Now, if I get up in the night, I check to be sure he's still in bed before I stand, worried about tripping over him if he got up and fell asleep on the floor. Not that it's happened. I guess that part of parenthood- worrying about things before they even happen- but it makes it easier to baby proof.

So far, we've put caps on all our electric outlets. We've tried this cheapest Munchkin brand baby gate (image below) but it was such a piece of crap (sorry, it's true) that we returned it the next day. I couldn't even get it to lock in position between our walls... we both tried and we read the instructions. No go. Someone else I know has a really similar gate for their dogs. I asked if it worked and she said they don't test it... This is exactly the problem: I'd expect our son to test it thoroughly if we or something he wanted (including Miz Kitty) were on the other side. Or just because it is there and wasn't before. When I touched our gate it fell over. For now, darling hubby and I have decided to continue with constant supervision.


Eeek! Speaking of constant supervision, I was setting up the high chair with our son out of his normal "mommy pocket" (Girasol carrier review LINK) and he was pushing a ball around. (New Favorite Game!) The ball, and then our son went under an old armchair. My hubby's folks refurnished the chair some years back and our cat took to it immediately when the gave it to us. She loves to sit in it these days to keep her above the LBD's reach. It was pretty funny to see her react to him climbing up and looking at her in the chair today. Anyway, when he climbed under the chair, his head was rubbing against the underside so I inspected it for danger. And, danger I found. The chair has half inch iron nails (guessing by appearance) pressed into the underside to secure the fabric. This never mattered before our precious LBD started scratching everything he could. (around 5 mos?) Now I think we're going to either declare the office totally off baby-limits and move the chair there or *sigh* let it go... this would be sad though, as it is really our kitty's favorite spot, and we both love to sit in it.

These are challenging and such fun times. It is so cool to see our LBD as a person, gaining a small semblance of autonomy and it's nerve-wracking to see what he gets into, and it feels so right that these steps of development are paced as they are.

The BIG 6 Month Update:

Teething, Crawling, Nursing and Elimination Communication 

Well, it's been about a month since I've posted much of anything here, so it's update time!

We are thrilled that our little baby dude (referred to as LBD hereafter) has started to show front teeth and to crawl.

Teething

The two bottom teeth just popped out three weeks ago. That Tuesday evening as we were getting ready to nurse I pushed a finger (gently) along his lower gumline. I read on la leche league international mommy's forum that massaging his gums may help to reduce biting as teething progressed, so on days that I saw him chew a lot on toys, I started doing this before nursing. This evening I felt this intensely sharp little edge on his gum, like a razor sticking out. They have arrived!

Crawling

The same week, he had been pulling himself around with his arms, and on alternating days, pushing his bottom up. It was so fun to watch, first little baby push ups, then gathering his feet under his bottom, sometimes sort of hopping them under him like a little bunny.

By the end of that week, the moves had coordinated into a full all 4's - knees under, arms straight and reaching forward. He also started waving that week. It's all happening so fast!

 New Feelings

And, though it has been totally inspiring, sweet, and beautiful, something else happened that totally surprised me. I felt sad, overwhelmed, and worried.

My darling husband helped me figure out what was going on. I wasn't feeling sad that our baby had teeth, nor that he could crawl, and waving is positively the coolest. It wasn't that I was worried that he was healthy, nor that I worried about his learning environment- I was feeling stressed because suddenly our son ha(s) a whole new set of skills for us to keep up with. I'm overwhelmed because suddenly the folding metal chairs (they have really comfy seats & are heavy- well made!) that we love so much seem really, really dangerous. Actually, besides our books being in danger of baby slobber, most of our house now seems a danger to a baby.

We can handle this, and we anticipated the need to baby proof. It just happened so, so fast.

Nursing: Ouch, Baby Bites?

And then, the inevitable. We were sitting at the dining table and our son was hungry, so I offered him the breast. He smiled and hungrily lunged for it and - moment of suspense?? - totally bit me so hard my nipple started bleeding. Before this time, when he bit my nipple (especially before the teeth came through) I laughed and squealed and gasped and felt/acted really surprised and sometimes said "ow." This time I cried, "Owwww" and looked at him as if I was crying, then made a short act of crying. Oh goodness. Our LBD broke from smiling at me (he thought it was funny at first) to crying in earnest. The poor little guy! And, oh, his poor mommy! We were a mess. Worse, we were both worried about nursing.

Throughout this day, LBD wouldn't nurse the right breast (the one that bled from little razor teeth marks.) When he awakened from his nap and realized his [brave] mommy was nursing him with right breast, he burst into tears and popped "on & off" the nipple intermittently crying.

Finally, after dinner, with right breast just about to pop (so engorged from a day of no nursing), we took a bath and LBD nursed as normal. He was so relaxed in the tub! Thank goodness. That night at bedtime, he nursed both breasts as usual, and then (as usual) popped off the nipple and rolled away. SO CUTE!

 I wouldn't do it differently if I had it to do over. Although it made us both really sad (when I feigned crying and he actually cried) this was a great way to train our son not to bite the nipple that feeds him. He hasn't done it since- and even that day was super gentle with left breast. Thank goodness. Whew!

Elimination Communication (read: Elimination Radio Silence)

We've moved into using mostly the large size prefolds in our diapers, and occasionally the intermediate (blue edge) with a doubler. See the article on diapering if you'd like more details. Our son's peeing so much more liquid each time now that the old diaper liners just weren't doing it.

These days, our EC is kinda out the window. I was happy to run into an old friend yesterday for the first time in about eight years, during which he had a beautiful daughter. She's about six, so they've had plenty of time to work out potty training, and I said to them that with teething and crawling, our son is waaay to busy to tell us about pottying, but that I felt bad, because it seemed like a special way to honor our communication when we were doing it so well. Pepy said, "ah, don't worry; it comes and goes." This totally felt right.

I think we will continue to give our LBD opportunities to EC, but not worry about outcomes. I felt like we'd failed him, or he forgot how to use his potty, or something like this, but I think Pepy is right. It's happening just right; it will work out.

So, instead of 90% potty use as we were a month ago, and around 60% since 2 months age, we're now at about 10%. So it goes.

More updates to come! Things will surely change again.

Berkey FAIL :(

I had high hopes for Berkey filters. I felt I'd done plenty of research. The few naysayers I found (before I saw the amazon.com reviews!!!) seemed far out and really, just plain mean.

I read review after review (before I went back and saw they are "affiliates!!!") and they all were happy customers. I saw a return policy and didn't question that the filter was available from different companies with the name Berkey in the title... Sites such as Berkey Filters, GetBerkey, BerkeyWaterFilters, and Directive21. Yowza, the latter gives a clue. Is a red flag waving yet? If not, maybe the name Mike Adams will ring a bell? He endorses Berkey Filters. I've linked to a wiki page for his website, as wiki calls it "dedicated to the sale of various dietary supplements, promotion of alternative medicine, controversial nutrition and health claims,^[3] and various conspiracy theories."

 *SIGH*

So before doing enough research, and after reading about Berkey filters on Wellness Mama's blog (and I love her recipes!) I ordered one on a great sale from one of the above sites.

And it arrived really quickly! Oh, delight, we were excited to have great water. My dear hubby was a little concerned when I told him how much it cost, but considering it could filter for 4-6 years without replacements, it seemed cost effective. Our current system (countertop Z,ero water filter) would cost about $40 per 3 months, or more, depending on city versus well water.

I ordered it with the arsenic/fluoride removal filters & I followed the directions. Over and over we "primed" the filters and each time they dirtied the beautiful stainless steel basin they filled with "purified water." Finally, I decided to test the water to see if it was indeed cleaner (even though it tasted like metal and had a whitish residue, with rainbow surface. Again, yowza!)

Our total dissolved solids wands (we have 2) both read 30 ppm for our well water when running cold, 40 and higher for warmer water. When I put in in the Berkey water, it read 60 ppm and higher, and as high as 120 ppm. This is twice to four times more dissolved solids in the filtered and purified water than before we filtered it at all.

A week and about 20 "primings" later, we gave up and returned our filter.

I called Berkey and a super nice, super helpful employee suggested I might need to reprime. I told him how many times I'd done this and our method. He agreed we were doing it correctly. I told him about our total dissolved solids (TDS) wands and the increase of dissolved solids in the water, and I asked if he knew what would be coming out of a black berkey filter, or an arsenic/fluoride white berkey purifier. He said he'd ask and returned to the phone a few minutes later. His coworker suggested it was sulfur from our well water. This does not explain why it would be an increased amount of solids in the water, or the rainbows or white chunks. Finally I told him I really appreciated his help trouble shooting, but would really like my money back and to return the whole system to his company.

We did this, and it worked great. The customer service was great, much better than the filter.


Thank goodness we got our money back.

SometimesOften, simple is better.